Keto: Day 1 & 2

I have to admit, I’m a little proud of myself for staying keto for almost 2 whole days!! Ha! As pathetic as that sounds, I actually haven’t craved potatoes yet! Maybe this time I will actually have the willpower to stick with this for longer than a few weeks. We tried starting this last June after seeing the success my mom had in her first month. I had the worst reflux and overall had a lot of trouble with cravings and sticking with Keto foods. This “trial” was an excellent learning opportunity for me though!

A few things I learned….

-Stop forcing myself to eat anything that is on the diet. I kept trying to make myself eat foods that I know I do not like! Then I wouldn’t eat it and I’d still be hungry and not have anything keto that I would like around. I have researched and made a Keto Binder in my kitchen of snacks and so many meals that I will actually eat and enjoy! This is a game changer! I actually get full and my cravings for non-Keto foods are reduced because I’m actually getting satisfied with the meals I’m eating!

-It’s okay to not be perfect. This should be obvious. But sometimes I would slip up and eat non-keto food for breakfast or lunch, and I would just give up for the rest of the day. This is just silly. If I give in to a craving or mess up on a recipe or meal, it’s OKAY! I can still enjoy it and get back in line when I’m finished. It is important to note that if you “cheat” every day, you probably will not be losing weight. But it is okay to enjoy non-keto foods once in a while, just be conscious of the portions you are eating, and how often you are doing it!

-Drink water. And when you’re tired of drinking water, drink a little bit more! This is the one thing I am actually consistent with. I drink about 2 to 3 times as much water as people around me – coworkers, family, my husband. The more water you drink, the more you will want it. There are sugar-free additives you can use in moderation to help give your water a little extra boost!

-Plan!! I cannot stress this enough! If I have not planned ahead for my day’s meals, I will get lazy and want to grab fast food or a pizza on my way home! My husband and I grocery shop every weekend, we try to plan our meals for the week including breakfast, lunch, dinner, AND snacks! I used to try to just cut out snacking which was a HUGE mistake. If your body needs more food, just make sure it is in your diet plan. I keep veggies, beef jerky, sugar-free jello, and a few other items on hand. These aren’t the most nutritious items, but they help satisfy any other cravings I may have and keep me from falling off the wagon!

The most important thing to remember is that this is a journey. There will be ups and downs, and some days (or weeks) you will feel like giving up. I strongly encourage you to join Facebook groups and talk about this lifestyle change with friends and family who will support you! Just do not let one slip up here & there get you down – you’ve got this!!

Acceptance

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For years I have waited for people to change, to grow, to be who I need them to be. But who am I to demand that? They are who they are, and I am who I am. If it means we have to go our separate ways, then I must accept that fate. I am slowly learning that I can only be the best at who I am, I cannot expect others to be something they are not. At the end of the day I must make the choice to continue living and to continue giving, and to leave those who hinder this.

Happy Holidays!

Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, or anything else around this time of year, I want to wish you the best! From my heart to yours, I hope the coming year brings joy and blessings to you and your family!

When The Battle Doesn’t End

The problem with CPTSD is that the battles continue. Even if you remove those who hurt you from your life, their presence will ever be in your mind. Their words, their actions, the pain they caused will continue to be a part of your very being.

My thoughts have been shaped by the events of my childhood. How can I know if my reaction is genuine or if it is conditioned? How can I know who I am?

One thing will always remain true, one thing that I can count on…. That I will not be defeated by the actions of others. The past may continue to haunt my dreams and it may continue to be a dark cloud hovering above me for years to come, but I will not give up. Regardless of how broken I feel or how many times I feel that the past has caught up with me, and that I am losing the battle, I will not surrender.

 

 

Ups and Downs

When did I become so afraid of happiness? My mind is heavy this morning…once again I had several wonderful days only to be hit with a weight of sorrow and depression. The reality is, that even the great days have their struggles, but they do not get me down. I am prepared to handle them, and can focus on the pleasantries of each day. It is only when I give in to being content, when I let my guard down, that the demons catch up with me and I am knocked down and left with this feeling of complete hopelessness.

When My Depression Turns to Anger

Self care is not something that I practice regularly. I know how important it is, and all of the benefits but somehow I never am able to make time to just breathe. The busier I am, and the more stressed I become, I just ignore the need I have to just take some alone time and decompress even though this is when I need it most.

As you can imagine, this does not end well. For me or for those closest to me. All of the exhaustion, stress, and depression just pile up until I lash out. It takes something small, like my boo getting home later than he said he would, or something ridiculous, and I go off. Bless his heart, he has to put up with this almost daily. I am definitely not proud of it, and after I lose my temper a wave of shame comes over me.

I used to pride myself in being very controlled emotionally. I did not lose my temper or even cry in front of others. Through the last few years, this has all changed dramatically. I now struggle to keep any emotions to myself whether it is impatience, sadness, irritability, or anything else. In some ways I needed to let myself be more “real” to those around me, but I fear I have now gone too far overboard and there is no way to reign these issues back in.

Hopefully I am not alone in this. I know we all handle stress differently but it seems to be compounded lately for me. I fear it is only a matter of time before these outbursts begin to push away those that matter most!

Not In My Presence

I recently began reading a book, called Uninvited by Lysa Terkeurst. While at first I was hesitant to begin reading it, the very first chapter had me casting all doubts aside. I am sure I will be posting more on this book, as I am taking my time and making sure to take in all that it has to offer when dealing with my own demons, but one particular anecdote I just couldn’t wait to share! The author tells a story of how she rushed to the airport to catch a flight and somehow left her luggage at the hotel. She tells of how she is talking down to herself – out loud – doing what most of us would do in that situation. Telling herself she is an idiot, asking who forgets their luggage

Drowning

So I know that it will be okay, and that somehow I will manage to get everything turned in. But my professor (I have the same one for both classes I’m taking) puts a little note in to let us  know about how long each assignment will take. One quiz is estimated to be 5 hours, and the other is 4….what’s sad is they are about 10-15 questions each! This is on top of the few hundred pages we had to read this week.

It will be worth it……….right??

🙂

It’s not you, it’s me.

I’m beginning to realize that a lot of the time I perceive issues in my relationship, it really is just something to do with me or an issue I’m dealing with. I am just the type to over analyze every little thing and I like to just get to the bottom of an issue so that it can be fixed.

I struggled this weekend, and I kept asking myself if my relationship is right. To be honest nothing at all had changed. My guy is still being the same person he was a year ago, we have grown and are stronger, but he definitely still makes an effort to show his love and everything. We are planning to buy a house, and we have been saving up for a wedding.  So why do I suddenly freak out thinking that maybe we shouldn’t be together?? I have started asking myself a question whenever these thoughts start to creep in – Is it him or is it me? Is he REALLY doing anything different or hurtful? Or am I just looking for a reason to fight, or am I just being insecure and reading too much into what he says or does?

If you are anything like me we just have to take a step back and breathe! I have to accept the fact that he does love me and he wants to be with me. He actively tries to better himself and wants me to be happy. Just like I do for him.

It has taken me so long to get to this point in life, where I can trust someone and depend on them. I just always expect something to go wrong. Unfortunately, it comes from being in abusive relationships, or dating narcissistic guys in the past who were just looking to add another notch to their headboard. Who knew it would be so hard to just relax and be happy? 🙂

2016 Recap

How are we a week in to the new year already?? Is it just me or does time just seem to fly by with no regard for the rest of us?? 🙂

I am so excited for what this year might hold! After taking a semester off from school to move and get settled back in Arkansas, I will be starting classes again this month. Which, sadly means less blogging but I am determined to writ two posts per month. So please bear with me! 2016 brought so many changes in my life, and I will expand on many of those things as well as anything new!