Make a LIfe That’s YOURS

27…..

The number of years I have been on this earth and yet, I am still working to find my purpose.  I may have mentioned before that I am currently pursuing my Bachelor’s in Psychology, with hopes to gain my Masters (eventually).  It’s a slow, slow process since I work full time and such. While I know this is a path I am passionate about, I have not settled on a certain career goal.

During dinner with a friend the other night this conversation came up, some of my goals and how to get there.  She had a wonderful suggestion that I felt compelled to share.  She said to write your eulogy.  Now many may see this as slightly morbid, but the idea is actually very conducive.  She said to focus on what you would like others to remember about you, things you want to accomplish, and write them down.  Use these and work backwards from these goals, this will create a better plan.  It will also help you to focus on  what is really important.

I am currently working on mine and will post once I have it completed.  I feel like some things seem a little cheesy, and some are far-fetched, but I am excited to have a clear focus. I hope you find this little bit of advise helpful! 🙂

Always,

Meg

Four Little Letters

Hope.

Four letters that can make the difference between life and death. Four letters between picking up the razor or calling a friend. Four letters between praying that you could just stop breathing or getting up off the floor, stepping outside, and taking a breath of fresh air.  You are alive. You are here.  You have a purpose.

As I sit here with the rain coming down, my cats laying next to me, and a glass of wine handy, I wonder… what’s my purpose? Do I really have one or is it just everyone’s way of trying to cheer each other up?

I’ve officially been diagnosed with PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, and Social Anxiety. But what does that mean? One could read descriptions of each of these all day and still not understand.  The truth is, each of us is unique.  Each diagnosis is different.  While some of us lash out in anger, others recede back into ourselves, we create walls and boundaries that no one can break through.  Because as lonely and as heartbreaking as it is to stand behind them, it’s still easier than letting others in, letting others hurt you.

Every single day I wake up, I spend a few minutes just clearing my mind.  I take a few deep breaths, lay perfectly still, and picture myself having a good day.  Does this always work? Absolutely not. Does it help? Absolutely.  You see, every single day is a challenge.  It is a chance to start new, to create my own life.  A life free of my past, the mistakes I have made, and the things I have been through.   I get up, put a smile on, and make a promise to myself that I will have a good day.

With all of the different medications and therapy to choose from, it’s easy to believe that you can magically be cured from any mental stresses you are suffering from.  But I’m here to tell you, you do not wake up one day suddenly ‘whole and healed’. It takes time, effort, patience, and support. I have to remind myself to take it one day at a time. Sometimes it feels like I take one step forward and three steps back, other days it feels like I move forward with leaps and bounds.

The stigma of mental illness is profound in our culture.  As disappointing as this is, it takes us to step up. We have a voice. We can make a difference. On the bad days as well as the good, we can speak up, tell our story, change a life.

We are not broken.

Weekend Fun!!

I had to share some of the things I accomplished this weekend!! It rained and rained here, so it gave me a chance to catch up on housework and complete a few projects I had started.

I had a chance to go to a Farmers Market a few blocks from my apartment, despite the rainy weather, it was a great turnout!.

Farmers Market Finds

I apologize that the picture quality isn’t great…I bought two succulents – only $3 each!

Some cat grass, because I always spoil them…

A bushel of green beans, which I made last night & they were delicious!!

Some spices, which I made on my chicken last night as well, it was a citrus herb, delicious!

And 3P’s Sinus balm.  I’m still on the fence if it was worth the $8, but I have sinus headaches ALL the time, so I am desperate for any relief!

Next is the finished product, I had an old fish bowl from my mom’s and decided it would be a great addition to my succulent addiction! 🙂

Succulent_Fish Bowl

I first placed the succulents in how I wanted them, then filled around them with the rock, and added a little more soil! So far they are doing great! 🙂

My final project took a lot of work, but it was definitely worth it!! I came across the random section of fence in an empty lot while walking my dog.  My neighbor (and longtime friend) was gracious enough to let me borrow his pickup to haul it back home. It was about 7 ft long originally, I used a hand saw to cut it down to size.  I wiped it down as well as I could, and then whitewashed it!  I used a 50/50 mix of white paint and water, and used about 3 coats.  Below are the pictures of the process, as well as the finished product!

Original Fence_HeadboardWhitewashing.1Whitewashing.2Finished Headboard

I’m fairly certain my friends thought I was crazy when I told them my idea…but it turned out pretty great – if I do say so myself! 🙂

I want to encourage each of you to get out and enjoy this weather, visit any local markets, and don’t be afraid to try something new!!

Always,

Meg

On the Darkest of Nights

Take a deep breath, you are worth more than the evil, disparaging thoughts in your head.  Hold on just one more day, the sun is surely set to rise once more. No one can take your place, you were created with a purpose by God.  He dreamed of you, He made a plan, destined for greatness, and He will save you.  You are strong. You are worthy.  You are His.  I can do ALL things through Christ, who strengthens me.

I sit here reading these words that I wrote to myself.  I wrote them on a good day, to pull out on days like today when things aren’t looking so great.

I wish I could tell you what went wrong.  Today started out decent enough.  Work was great, my evening was great. But all of a sudden I feel as though I am being crushed.  I feel a heavyweight, yet I feel nothing at all.  Nothing but the words racing through  my head, stinging me with every breath I take. I would cry, but the tears won’t come.  I would scream, but nothing comes out.  My body aches from the strain of just staying alive.

I’ve been told to eat better, to exercise more, get more sun.  I have been consistently following all of these suggestions for months now with no improvement.  In fact, things almost seem to be getting worse.  The fear, the constant dark cloud continues to loom around me.

And then, just like that, it’s gone. I feel the air enter my lungs, feel my heart beating, feel the cloud lift.

I Believe…

I came across this topic idea the other day.  When I began writing I thought it would be difficult to come up with 10 things, but in writing, I realized it was hard to stop at 10! 🙂

1. I believe that rain (and snow) bring a sense of purity. Everything is fresh and new after a fresh rain or snow.

2. I believe in the good.  I choose to believe that if you foster to the good in someone, they have a fighting chance no matter what.

3. I believe in God.  I am not religious, but I believe in the spiritual sense.

4. I believe in meditation.  I am still working on this, but I believe in becoming self-aware and letting your body just breathe.

5. I believe that you can learn a valuable lesson from each individual you encounter.

6. I believe that the most powerful actions you may take are sometimes the smallest.

7. I believe that animals have souls.  I believe they were put here for humans to learn unconditional love.

8. I believe in hard work.  The best feeling is the exhaustion after you have given 100% to a project.

9. I believe in doing the right thing.  It may not be the easy choice, and it may not bring about the best of luck, but I believe if we all did our part, the world could be an amazing place.

10. I believe that silence, and being comfortable alone can lead to true happiness.