“The worst part of a good day is knowing it’s slipping away.” – Counting Crows
As usual, I had my Spotify playing while at work today and these lyrics hit home. For many of us who struggle with mental illness, you just never know when the darkness will hit. I’ve caught my self worrying and having anxiety when I’m having a great day because I know it won’t last. I know that it is only a matter of time before the sadness takes over and pulls me down. I catch myself avoiding friends and family, afraid to be happy – knowing the crash that comes afterwards is not worth it. I refer to it as the “afterburn”. Have I forgotten who I am without the darkness?
I’m not sure which is worse, the loneliness when avoiding the light or the darkness that comes after it…?