I would give anything to break free of these chains that are holding me back. This heaviness I feel pulsing through my veins that doesn’t let me breathe, it doesn’t let me feel anything but the numbing weight of life.
I struggle to admit when I fall back into this state of mind. I go out more, I try to stay more active, but it is all just a facade. The worse I feel the harder I strive to hide it. I know it would hurt those closest to me to learn that I don’t want to go on. That breathing is a struggle.
The whispers creep back into my mind. Reminding me that this never gets better, that each time I relapse I fall even harder. Cutting used to be a release but now it doesn’t even ease the pain I feel. So I lay here. Taking one breath at a time and reminding myself over and over and over again that it will pass. It has to pass.