On the Darkest of Nights

Take a deep breath, you are worth more than the evil, disparaging thoughts in your head.  Hold on just one more day, the sun is surely set to rise once more. No one can take your place, you were created with a purpose by God.  He dreamed of you, He made a plan, destined for greatness, and He will save you.  You are strong. You are worthy.  You are His.  I can do ALL things through Christ, who strengthens me.

I sit here reading these words that I wrote to myself.  I wrote them on a good day, to pull out on days like today when things aren’t looking so great.

I wish I could tell you what went wrong.  Today started out decent enough.  Work was great, my evening was great. But all of a sudden I feel as though I am being crushed.  I feel a heavyweight, yet I feel nothing at all.  Nothing but the words racing through  my head, stinging me with every breath I take. I would cry, but the tears won’t come.  I would scream, but nothing comes out.  My body aches from the strain of just staying alive.

I’ve been told to eat better, to exercise more, get more sun.  I have been consistently following all of these suggestions for months now with no improvement.  In fact, things almost seem to be getting worse.  The fear, the constant dark cloud continues to loom around me.

And then, just like that, it’s gone. I feel the air enter my lungs, feel my heart beating, feel the cloud lift.

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2 thoughts on “On the Darkest of Nights

  1. Persevere! You can do it!!! 🙂 I loved the first paragraph of this post particularly because I need to say those same things to myself when I wake up every morning feeling destitute. Amazing, courageous words. I wish I spent more time thinking about their significance on a daily basis.

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