Broken. That is how I feel when a relationship begins to get serious. I have gone through years of counseling and self-improvement, but some things will always be a part of me. I’m not that girl in a relationship that has her shit together, or is “whole”. I know I have a lot to work on, but so does everyone else. It’s important that we are patient with each other, and if you believe it’s right…don’t give up.
I have come up with a handful of things that are definitely important in truly any relationship, but are absolutely essential to anyone who has either gone through a difficult childhood, or bad relationships.
1. Be Patient. I cannot say this enough. She may think she is over something that happened in the past, but if you start taking the same actions that someone else leading up to them hurting her, she will react. She really has no control over this. Her mind is just trying to protect her.
2. Call Her. We live in an age where texting is the norm. 99% of the time it is just fine. But if you haven’t been able to spend time together, or your texting is just becoming superficial, pick up the phone to reconnect with her. I promise it will make a difference. It will also show her that giving her 10 minutes of your time is more important than whatever TV show is on or the video game you are playing.
3. Don’t make false promises. This will tie in with my point listed below, but i wanted to elaborate on each a little differently. So many of the guys I’ve dated start talking about a possible future as early as a month in..This is not acceptable. Unless you legitimately plan to propose within the first 6 months, don’t give her those ideas. I promise you she is already fighting those thoughts on her own. We all have that fantasy of meeting someone and essentially falling in love at first sight. The reality is that it does not happen like this.
4. Be someone she can count on. If you can’t, then don’t waste her time. She will give her all for you, for your good days and bad. She just needs the same thing in return. I’m not saying she needs a grand gesture, but if she’s had a bad day, take the time to listen to her, don’t just jump into your own issues. Any relationship is about give & take, sometimes more giving than taking.
5. Make Plans. If every weekend you wait until Friday or Saturday to just ask what she has going on, she will most likely have plans already. Or she will have waited & possibly blown off her friends in hopes that you will call and invite her to do something. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for an evening on the couch with Netflix, but let her know that’s what you WANT. Not just something you are doing because nothing else better to do came along.
6. Never, Ever, use her past against her. This seems pretty obvious, right? Apparently it isn’t. We do not choose our parents, siblings, schools. Only to a small extent can we choose how we react to situations we have been placed in. As much as we have healed and overcome, it will always find a way into our daily life. In the little choices we make or the small things we pick up on.
I look forward to any thoughts or additions you all might have!!